intro!

♡ I run a strict program when it comes to who I let in my social circle. As you might have guessed-- I am a strongly opinionated individual.♡ I am NOT willing to condone prejudiced takes masked as humor. If you have to resort to prejudice to be funny, you aren't funny-- you're cheap and lacking intelligence.♡ Those who get it get it. And if you don't get it, it's not my job to change your mind. I will just continue to exist as I do.♡ Always open to talk about taboo topics.♡ If you are religious (abrahamic religions especially), we probably will NOT get along enough to be close friends.♡ Pantheist. I am a spiritual person, not religious.♡ I am fluent in both English & Spanish.♡ Chronic collector-- of all things, but especially CD's.♡ Interested in herbal medicine.♡ Astrology occupies my mind a lot. In my case, my birthchart is scary accurate.♡ I have experience working as an registered behavior technician. May circle back to it someday.♡ I am 20 years old.♡ I was an artist with a semi-popular platform on instagram back in 2018 (built my character and I am loaded on LORE!)♡ I adore San Francisco. I am also dying to attend Ursa Major.♡ My favorite color combination is obnonxious-- yellow and fuchsia.♡ My guilty pleasure-- lolita fashion. The prospect of becoming a fashion designer-- for the hell of it--consumes me.♡ Oddities, antique stores, BJD's, frills.♡ moodboard, scrapbook, makeup dates.

my reason for being...

For the trans and queer community.I live to be able to contribute to social reform, even if it just starts and ends in my small community, the workplace, etc.I strive for a world that treats and sees children with the same humanity and dignity that adults are automatically given.With the use of imagination and creation, we can and should reimagine, redefine what power means to us.Everyday, I aim to be conscious and aware of how I consume, spend, and speak.I hope my creations, and art, can encourage or remind people of the importance of wonder in our daily lives.More than that, to continue embracing queerness.

(if you're curious...!)

My Lyrical Treasure Box

"I want to narrow the distance between us // We will be aligned now // Just don’t stop // I’ll hurry up, I’ll have strength // The secret of secrets will be revealed // Inside the darkness // At the end of the road //
Will we able to meet? // I still don’t know // I’m following the faraway light" ("Sonatine" by LOONA)

"You left me with a gift
Or a curse some would say
It sticks to me like honey
And it's always changin' shape
Sometimes it is a sickness
That covers everything
There are days where I don't see it
But it never goes away" ("Never Goes Away" by Devon Again)

"But I thought if I made an effort then
Somehow I'd be heard
God just never answered and I'll never hear his voice" ("My Pastor" by Baby Bugs)

"You can't remember where you came from (In a spiral of ants) // You can't remember where you're going (In a spiral of ants)" ("Spiral of Ants" by Lemon Demon)

"The more you rewind, the more beautiful you are // Rewind, rewind, rewind // I want to stay // Even though I know it's too late" ("Rewind" by Wonder Girls)

"Could go to hell but we'll probably be fine" ("Naked in Manhattan" by Chappell Roan)

"You'll never see the courage I know // Its color's richness won't appear within your view" ("Never is a Promise" by Fiona Apple)

"What wasted unconditional love // On somebody who doesn't believe in that stuff" ("Oh Well" by Fiona Apple)

"Let’s drive out to where dust devils are made // By dancing ghosts as they kick up clouds of sand // Where clouds look like mountains // Clouds look like mountains" ("Valentine, Texas" by Mitski)

"Sometimes, I think I am free //
Until I find I'm back in line again" ("Everyone" by Mitski)

"I'll wait it out if you want 300 lifetimes // Don't you want somebody to love? Don't you want somebody? // We'd be wiser too // We'd vacation on the moon, ooh // Tending to the kids, perfectly mundane // Isn't that the goal? // If you're scared to die // I could be scared by your side // I forget that //
I could tell you wanna be alone //
Be alone again" ("Mystery" by Raveena)

Analysis + Discovery

(I'm insane about this movie, in case you couldn't tell.....!!!!)

DISCOVERY:
When I first heard of the movie, "Soulmate," it was because I came across an edit. Inserted in the edit, it had short, but emotionally moving clips. To me, they seemed to capture the essence of girlhood, coming-of-age, and sapphic love (Prior to watching it, I felt like I half-believed the idea of it being queer, because I had not been used to seeing that kind of representation in the media. Despite being a queer person who consumes queer media from time to time, I still feel an emotional kind of surprise to see that kind of representation).I opened the comment section to see someone say that there was a Chinese version of the movie, and how they preferred the Chinese version of the movie because it had more obvious romantic implications between the main characters. (For context, the Chinese version is the original version, while the Korean version is the remake).I first watched the Korean version in 2023.I decided to watch the Korean version on a whim, before going to bed... and to say the least, I was inconsolable. I cried and stared at the ceiling for another hour after watching the movie.Then, I watched the Chinese in July of 2025.During my first semester of college, I unexpectedly made a friend. Overtime, I realized we had so much in common--despite being from different demographic groups and being in different life stages. We both create art, so I was showing her some of my digital art--I intuitively decided to probe and ask her if she's ever heard of the movie "Soulmate."Mind you, I have asked dozens of people if they have ever heard of the movie, and the answer had always been no, until that moment. She told me she had only watched the Chinese version. Taken aback, I decided I HAD to watch the Chinese version.I watched it, and I could not stop thinking about various clips, specific words that were said, and emotions that were expressed...MY INTERPRETATIONS:They are soulmates because they are destined to live separately, OR each other's lives. In their hearts, they wish they could switch lives. They lead opposite lives, with different outlooks and philosophies on life.While Ansheng claims that she wants to drift in life, continuously travel, be carefree, and be a risktaker, in her heart of hearts, what she actually desires is a home, a place to settle and stay. On the other hand, July claims to want a traditional life. One where she is settled, married, practical, and has a boring, but well-paying job. But in her heart of hearts, what July genuinely desires is to travel, be carefree, spontaneous, and uncapturable.I feel that they both envied each other's lives, while simultaneously missing each other and resenting their distance.MEMORABLE SCENES:Ansheng and July were in the airport, saying their goodbyes, and Ansheng whispered to July, "Stay with me, please," and July replied with, "Come with me."
July then turned around, and said that she didn't dare look back at her, because she feared that if she did, she would have stayed with her.July's fiancée told Ansheng that July has never liked to travel to places. Then, Ansheng told July's fiancée, "its not that she doesn't like to travel, she just wants you to come back to her." And she walked away.Ansheng and July admitting to each other that they hated each other while lying in bed together.Miso and Ha eun's boyfriend were at the bar where Miso works. They were talking about Ha eun, and Miso asks him what he likes about her. He replies with, "everything." Miso replied with, "that's a dumb answer for when you don't know a person that well." Then he asks, Miso, "Why do you like her?" Miso replies: "Her eyes when she suddenly turns around, tears after a yawn, and her two front teeth when she smiles."Miso and Ha eun's fiancée are older now, and they were catching up over tea. Miso tells him, "you still don't know her well."Ha eun: "It felt weird seeing your back as you took off. I realized that I don't remember seeing your back, because you were always beside me."In both Korean and Chinese version: they were supposed to raise a child together.

Final Thoughts

I cried a lot for the Korean movie, but did not cry as much for the Chinese version. I believe that it was because Korean movies are known to be dramatic and pull heart strings in ways that are deeply felt. The Chinese movie on the other hand, it felt more realistic and I felt it flowed more naturally. I also preferred the acting style used in the Chinese movie, even though Kim Dami is one of my favorite Korean actresses. I rewatched the Korean movie in July of 2025, after watching the Chinese version-- and yes, I was still inconsolable-- so it definitely has something to do with the composition of the movie that makes me feel like sobbing my face off every time I watch it.I LOVED that in the Chinese version, Ansheng was realistically portrayed as poor, and lived in a poverty-stricken area that would seem unsafe to live in for most people. That was not the case for the Korean version.Ansheng hops on a train and says bye to July. July says that what she felt most saddened by, and why she cried so much, was because she feared that she was not enough for Ansheng, not enough to make her stay with her.As someone who both writes and draws, these movies felt like they took a personal jab at me. Mainly because they both had to do with either finishing a book or finishing an art piece on another person's behalf. Everything they did, in a way, was a continuous collaboration. One had to finish what the other person started. Lives were so deeply intertwined, that it forced them to lead separate lives. They really did live, the other person's share. Almost like they had inherited the other person's karma, in exchange for such a deeply understanding connection.MAJOR SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!I LOVED that in the Chinese version, July told her fiancée to ditch her the day of their wedding. This action alone makes July such a resilient character. She recognized that once she attained all this materialized form of love and hard work, she knew that it didn't love her completely, could not fulfill her-- it would never be enough, because what she had been working for, up until that moment, was not what she truly desired. She told him, "leave me, I do not want to marry someone who does not love me completely." Moreover, someone who does not KNOW her completely. July was willing to ditch her seemingly perfect and practical life, just to live like Ansheng lived.Ansheng told July that they should raise the child together. That just told me everything I needed to know. It answered my questions on whether or not this love was platonic. Their relationship, more than anything, exceeded platonic love. These characters spent most of their life yearning for each other. Their relationship was at a level of intimacy that is difficult to come by. Their love for each other, it feels so real to me, so I could care less about labeling it as either platonic or romantic-- the point is that they loved each other, so incredibly deeply.In the Korean version, Miso was the one who finished Ha uen's art piece. That scene of her looking at the window and seeing Ha eun in the reflection will never not make me cry.In the Chinese version, if I can recall correctly, Ansheng was the one who continued to blog and finish the book on July's behalf.I find it funny and heartbreaking that the story started off with Ansheng kind of being the one that was fishing for July's attention because Ansheng was the one who was drifting and never settled. By the end of the movie, July now became the one that was kind of fishing for her attention, asking her to come with her on adventures, since Ansheng was the one who was now settled.July/Ha eun was the one that died at 27, even though Ansheng/Miso swore she would be the one to die at that age.The ending was unclear to me, I still am not completely sure whether she died or she traveled, which was obviously an intentional move on the writers of the story.I feel that she did die. Child-birth deaths are not uncommon. I just get the feeling that she really was meant to live her other half.

*********

ending scene....

♡ come again soon ♡

or don't.... idrc

• bye!